Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
