Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
