It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
