all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
