Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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