I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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