I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
