yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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