in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cockslap morals
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
