he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize