everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
