Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
