Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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