You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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