I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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