dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
