Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
