dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
