do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
