I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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