Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
