Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
