What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can you bring me the toilet please
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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