my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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