our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
