I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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