i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
