I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
