I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
