We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
