Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Say something about gay babies.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
