In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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