I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
