Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize