Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Let's paint friendship bongs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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