Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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