I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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