i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
