I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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