Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
