i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
