Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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