In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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