I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
