Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
