He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize