1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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