seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
