4 words: hood of his car
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
