There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dicks are not precious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
