Duck Duck Cougar?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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