I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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