We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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