i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
