I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
