I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
