well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
