p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
