STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
