I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Randomize
