can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have aggressive nipples.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
