He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
