We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
