Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
