We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
