So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
