I wish I could teleport
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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