I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i was in the wii world.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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