Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
