last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
