You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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