toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
