I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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